A Broken Mind

My Personal Story of Mental Health Recovery in Real Estate

*Published In The Buzz Magazine - March 2023

August 30, 2020. I can remember these events like they happened yesterday. I had just spent a weekend away with my wife, celebrating our anniversary, and when we came home, we spent the entire day with our two young boys. Everything seemed perfect.

Suddenly, without warning, my heart started pounding, my body trembled, and my mind began racing with really bad thoughts. I started crying uncontrollably. I had lost control of my mind and body all at once. I had never experienced anything like this. It was terrifying. My wife comforted me, and eventually, my body passed out from exhaustion.

When I awoke the next day, the symptoms started again. I had deep negative thoughts that my whole world was falling apart in front of me, even though things were fine. I had no idea what was happening to me. My family doctor wasn't available, so I called the Ontario health hotline to speak with a nurse. After listening to my symptoms, she suggested calling an ambulance - this only made me more afraid. My wife drove me to our local emergency room, where after a few hours, I was able to speak with a mental health nurse. She explained that I had likely experienced a panic attack and gave me a pill to calm my nervous system. Eventually, the doctor came in and gave me the same diagnosis. They prescribed a few extra pills for me to take home, and gave me a breathing exercise and a pamphlet for a counselling service.

The following day I wrote a message to my closest friends in the real estate industry. I could still feel my body shaking as I typed with my thumbs. The message started, "Well, it's not all sunshine and rainbows…." Something inside me was compelling me to tell this story and try to make sense of what had just happened. 

I've been through a lot in my 15-year career in real estate. I started in 2008, right before our generation's most significant financial crisis. I struggled for a few years until I found the right mentors, and then my business thrived. I grew a sales team, started training and speaking, and became a business coach with the Tom Ferry company. Then, I opened an independent brokerage and grew it to over a billion dollars in sales just as the COVID pandemic hit. All this to say, I've been through a lot of stress but never experienced anything that caused my mind and body to shut down as they did that day.

Slowly my life got back to normal. I took a couple of the pills to get through some tough meetings, attended four therapy sessions, and moved on with my life. I wrote off my panic attack as a one-time experience. If you had followed my Instagram account, it would have looked like my life was all good times. New business projects, new hobbies, and new investments. Travel and vacations. Life on the outside looked picture-perfect. The problem was I had also returned to my behaviour of pushing the stress and negative emotions down rather than dealing with them appropriately. Reflecting on my journal entries, I can see wild swings in my emotional state. Some weeks I was excited about the newest thing I was working on, then the next week, I was angry about everything and everyone that had wronged me.

Almost exactly two years after my ER trip, I was back where I started. The panic attacks began again, only this time, they kept getting worse and worse each day. Finally, I called my therapist back and booked an appointment with my family doctor. I had had reached my breaking point. It was time to take my mental health seriously. The first step was admitting I wasn't as invincible or flawless as I pretended to be. 

As I write this article, it's been 172 days since I saw my doctor and committed to prioritizing my mental health. The most important lesson I've learned is to become more aware of my present state and develop tools that help me maintain the positive emotional states for longer and process and move past the negative feelings.

Creating A Toolbox For Mental Health:

These are some tools I use to promote my mental health. It is not an exhaustive list. It's just some of what's working for me. I encourage you to develop your own toolbox, full of things that help you be the person you want to be.

Sobriety: It was hard for me to stop using alcohol and cannabis, but it's been a big help. Both of these substances worked great for short-term relief. Still, I believe they contributed to my depression and panic attacks.

Therapy: I have spoken to my therapist every two weeks since my most recent panic attacks. I'm committed to keeping this relationship going through the good and bad times. Having someone to talk to that knows how to help and needs nothing in return from me is invaluable. I highly recommend it.

Exercise: Our bodies and minds are deeply interconnected. Human bodies evolved to move, yet we spend so much time sitting. I've started doing outdoor runs in the morning to get my heart pumping and lifting weights 3-4 days a week. Research has shown that exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medications. 

Meditation: I call meditation my secret weapon. It's the tool I use the most. Meditation involves being present and learning to observe your thoughts and feelings as they happen. I use an app for daily guided meditation. I also take time whenever I need it throughout the day to rest and focus on my emotional state.

Writing: In my journal, I write to get my thoughts to stop spinning in my head. I don't worry about spelling or grammar or making sense. I just write down whatever I am thinking about. I include things I'm grateful for in every journal entry to remind myself that good stuff is always happening in my life. A little trick I learned is to write in the 2nd or 3rd person, which helps me gain a broader perspective.

I’ve put together a whole section of my website with tools and resources you can try and see what works for you. I've also included some of my favourite books, apps, podcasts, and more.

I hope that sharing my story encourages you to take a more active role in your mental health. The people who love you deserve the best version of you, and you deserve to be happy.

Don't be afraid to seek the help you need to feel better. Take care of yourself, Jeff. ❤️